Two-and-a-half hours is way, way too long for a movie like this. As I sit here and write, I can't even remember what most of the movie was made up of; it's so cram-jammed full of filler and fluff and mindless nonsense that it takes them nearly an hour to introduce the main story arc.

That story, such as it is, revolves around what the Decepticons are searching for -- the last remaining shard of the All-Spark, which was thought destroyed at the end of the last film and which gives new life to members of their race. It will eventually point the way toward another machine the Decepticons need to regain dominance, but which will -- are you ready? -- destroy the sun in the process, leaving Earth a lifeless husk and sending the Autobots into hiding, presumably for all eternity, because they needed something to ratchet up the stakes besides a pile of twisted metal no one can discern. In fact, the way the storyline is carried out is the main problem, since a good hour of the film simply didn't need to be there. Sam's departure for college is shown as a main plot point in the trailer, but it's barely a whisper in the film itself and seems to exist for the sole purpose of making it more difficult for the bad guys to find him (and they're always trying to find him).

In addition, huge action movies like this are usually good for a few laughs, but Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen just tries too hard on that front. Too many of the smaller Decepticons are weaselly, ineffectual little nitwits whose squeaky cartoon voices scream "comic relief." Likewise, the two jive-talking Autobot twins we've been hearing about aren't nearly as funny as they could have been, and they play up cultural stereotypes way past the point of absurdity. I wasn't offended by it, I was just bored.

Indeed, that was the film's main outcome: boredom. How can that be possible, with all that action and blow-em-ups? You tell me. I was done with this thing before it hit the two-hour mark. The rest was just a test of my patience.

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